Blog
They Taught us to Fear Ourselves
I can’t trust myself. I’ll never get anything done.
I frequently hear this sentiment from ADHD folks. In coaching sessions, online or hidden between the lines of ADHD literature. We figure out hacks to create fear so we can “get stuff done”. We ask the people around us to create artificial deadlines to scare us into action. We deliberately make ourselves miserable - because the only thing worse than being sad, is being unproductive.
So you’ve Had a Bad Performance Review
You’re probably here because you had, or are worried about, a bad performance review. If so, that really sucks. Bad performance reviews can really wound us. I wish I could sit down with all of you and spend time talking through all the shit that throws up.
Once things start to feel a little less raw, your attention is probably going to turn to: how do I come back from this? So lets talk about that for a while - because there’s nothing I love more than helping people remember how awesome they are.
An ADHDers Guide to Movitation Part II: Goals
We’ve all absorbed a lot of messages about goals over our lifetimes, and felt a lot of guilt around them. Not setting them, setting them, failing to achieve them or having other people lecture us endlessly about how they’re the key to unlock our issues! We feel the drive to do something, we set a goal to achieve it and… oh shit… where did the motivation go? They’re essential, and they don’t work for us.
An ADHDers Guide to Motivation Part I: Intro
Motivation is a thorny issue for us. A lot of us have been repeatedly told we’re lazy, we just need to focus more or we’ll never get anywhere if we can’t stick to one thing. We’re constantly looking for motivation hacks so we can finally achieve what everyone else seems to do without trying.
Helpfully, a lot of psychological research has been done on motivation - both for neurotypical and neurodivergent people. Unhelpfully, the “common sense” principles of motivation in most people’s heads were mainstream before we had pocket calculators.
So my goal is to take you on a tour of more modern motivational theory. The overarching theory, how it applies to ADHDers and what that means in practice for us.
The couple and the bread
On the morning after his wedding, Ari picked up a bread roll and tore it in half along the length. He looked at the soft fluffy top, the slightly burned bottom and thought “I can’t possibly give my new wife the worst piece”. He passed Ash the top, and was surprised to have her look at him confused. He put it out of his mind and had the first of many happy breakfasts.
Prompts for your 1:1s
1:1s can be the most helpful and important meetings you go to. They can also be an anxiety inducing ball of pointlessness.
Manage your Deadlines so they can’t Manage you
You’ve read my article about Deadlines and Estimates, and you’re saying “well that’s all well and good if you’re a manager, but my boss keeps giving me shit to do and asking for an estimate”.
What a great question! Well, kind of a question. A statement that implies a question.
I’m going to let you know what I advise people to do. But, fair warning, it’s not the most typical advice. There’s nothing about working harder, better, more focussed or with better prioritisation. Instead, it’s about how to manage the negative impact of deadlines to make you feel safer and happier. The good news is, both of those things will make you perform better as well.
Deadlines & Estimates
Building products is littered with deadlines, estimates and plans based on those things. They have many good uses, but we often use them as a very blunt instrument and create bad outcomes.
Want to know what these “bad outcomes” are? Build a better toolbox? Want to know a magic trick? Read on, friend!
Get Promoted as a Software Engineer with ADHD or ASD
Most people think about their career growth in 2 parts: technical skills and soft skills. In theory, we need to improve both to become a more successful, more senior engineer. However, most engineers are very good at improving their technical skills on a day to day basis. Constant practice (doing the job), feedback (code reviews) and an interest in the topic provide a great basis for you to grow.
So where people struggle is… soft skills! The fuzzy, fluffy bastards that trip us all up. Soft skills are thought about and designed in neurotypical terms, and they’re always going to be a struggle for us.
Saying No Like a Pro
Saying no for NDs is hard. We are often very worried about the opinions of our coworkers, we might have spent a lot of our lives being given the message that we’re lazy or being told that our sense that we can’t handle this is wrong.
How to Communicate more
At many points in our career we are required to give and receive feedback: “360 Feedback”, “Annual Performance Reviews”, “Check-ins”. This feedback is normally compulsory on all sides and may be taken into account for performance ratings, promotion decisions and bonuses.