So you’ve Had a Bad Performance Review
You’re probably here because you had, or are worried about, a bad performance review. If so, that really sucks. Bad performance reviews can really wound us. I wish I could sit down with all of you and spend time talking through all the shit that throws up.
Once things start to feel a little less raw, your attention is probably going to turn to: how do I come back from this? So lets talk about that for a while - because there’s nothing I love more than helping people remember how awesome they are.
tl;dr
Performance reviews suck. It’s not you. It’s them.
Find some techniques that work for you to minimise the negative impacts they have.
Let go of the critical feedback and redouble your efforts on the positive.
Stop surviving; start thriving.
Performance Reviews Suck
A performance review is all about how you you appear to someone else. It can throw up all the emotions we felt in other times in our lives where someone else’s opinion was important: parents, teachers, friends, partners, old bosses; the list is long.
This can be painful, but it also changes our motivation; away from “what do I want to do” and towards “what do they want me to do”. This isn’t a place we want to spend our time. Our motivation will drop. We’ll get worse at solving problems. We’ll do worse at our jobs. We will be less happy. Check out Motivation for ADHDers for a more detailed look.
So let’s push back against these pressures to conform to what other people want from us. And that requires you to…
Remember you’re awesome
You are not your review.
Your performance review does not determine your value at work. Your value at work does not determine your value as a person. You have inherent value as a person.
This is all true, but can be hard to really feel in the moment. Sometimes we have to try some specific techniques to help with that.
There’s a lot of different techniques that work for different people, and working with someone will likely help. But, here are some suggestions to get you started:
Do things that require being “in the moment” - meditation, music, sport, mindfulness
Practice some cognitive defusion
Find a project (in or out of work) that you feel passionate about and start it. No need to finish
Start learning something new in an area you’re interested in
Talk through you’re feelings with someone neutral
Journal or mindmap out the thoughts and feelings
This is a continuous process that will get easier over time. Once things feel a bit less pressured, you can start to think about how to move forward.
How to React to the feedback
Performance reviews normally mean feedback. Critical feedback normally hurts. Then, for a lot of people, we feel bad for feeling bad. We’ve been told “feedback is a gift” or other such platitudes. But it stings most people, and seems to sting neurodivergent people even more. Maybe this is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria or something else. But it’s pretty normal for feedback to hurt. You’re not a bad person
A while after we get the feedback, and feel the pain, we start trying to fix the problems so we never have to get that feedback, and feel that pain, again. Unfortunately, most people are terrible at giving us the feedback we actually need to grow. Especially for us ND folk, feedback we receive tends to focus on our weaknesses, primarily our neurodivergent traits. Communication, organisation, playing “the game” etc. We start to fix those, investing more and more time and energy into trying to shore up our weaknesses. But the more we invest, the less we put into our strengths; the things that make us great. Our performance starts to slip instead of improve. The feedback is leading us in the wrong direction.
Instead, we need to focus on what excites us and we excel at. Some of this may be in the more “positive” bits of your performance review (that you skimmed over). But more likely they need to come from looking inside yourself. Examining your wins and trusting yourself. If this is hard, a good manager, mentor or coach might be able to help.
Summary
If the feedback hurts, that’s ok. The system is broken, not you.
Let go of the critical feedback, it’s unlikely to help.
Get back to what makes you great, and double down on it.
Keep Running at your Goal
I’ve supported many people to recover from bad performance reviews. I’ve also seen many people spiral downwards. The ones who spiral tend to get trapped in “avoiding failure”. We want to do the opposite. Achieve.
What is it you want to achieve in your life? How is your job helping you get there? What awesome project do you want to ship? What cultural change do you want to make? What skills do you want to learn to strike out and start your own company? Get back to what you really care about, and use that to guide your next steps.
I Hope this has Helped
If you’re struggling with your performance review, I hope this has helped and you’re able to get things back on track. If it didn’t, and you want to talk more about your specific situation, feel free to book an introductory coaching session.
Remember you are not your review.
